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Poster: mcglone Date: Jan 17, 2007 2:29pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

hey dire,

friend, i dropped the ball. i had it all! i weaned myself off LMA towards the tail end of the year simply because i was lost.i needed to reinvent myself. i drifted from casual user, to full fledged drunk/addict. i lost all sense of self. you can almost trace my fall by the frequency of my activity out here. for years i was a freelance, psuedo arts-archivist, friend to the small musician and poet. what i lacked in business sense, i made up for in reputation, work was always there! then for whatever reason (i've come to terms with why) in the late summer, i slipped into a deep, raw depression. ostracized myself from friends and family alike. i hated myself. i was a vegan for 12 years, till one day i stopped in at a chinese buffet in guelph - what one little chicken ball? 20lbs later, i know the answer. i quit my website, fishing, photography (for the most part) got so bad i ended up tilting the rear view mirror so i couldn't make eye contact with myself. i began living the life of riley off jess' back! i had this wonderful routine, when she was showering, i would plank beers in the freezer behind a box of somosa's we never touched. then as soon as we exchanged our good bye kiss, i'd crack my first one bright and early for regis! hell i would even shake it a little for triva-a-go-go! then i'd pop onto to the forum while listening to espn radio at 10:00am, over the next 30 minutes i would mull over what show would match my mood. usually settling in on the fall of '73 or '79. as you know, i live in a small country town, instead of smokin' and listening on the deck or under the trees, i'd tape garbage bags over the windows and light some tea lights! this went on for some time. i would pass out at noon-ish. if i was feeling spritely, i might make it to jim rome's second hour. then i would wake up, shake it off, tend to chores and have a wonderful meal ready when my everything got home. a day, became a week, became a month and i finallyi woke up shortly after christmas. i was 250lbs and pretty much single. one thing i forgot to include, i pretended to be mixing tracks during the day, pullin' my weight so to speak. i would explain that one client was late with a payment for this reason or that. all the while i was falling deeper and deeper and at someone else's expense. when i reluctantly came 'kinda' clean in late nov. jess was there for me, stood right by my side. but i didn't offer full details about my boozing and druggin'. so, they next morning, i repeated the cycle, that when on for about two more weeks. it took me until the last few days of '06 to come to terms with my shit. i still live in the same house with her, but lead a very lonely, humble life by comparison. working night shifts and afternoons as a temp to avoid the awkwardness. sleep at the other end of the house (notice i don't call it home no more). come march 1st. i'm leaving rockwood, and moving to elora or fergus ontario. taking things one check at a time, one day at a time. down to 232lb, no meat, no dairy. taking photos again and hope to move them at different farmers markets and country flea markets come spring. then i'll start haning mics again! gaining back self discipline, no beer, no drug, no woman, some tears.

bet you're sorry ya asked eh ; )

thought i'd share a couple of photos of what i traded my high time for...

your pal.

ian

p.s. never did record her singing stella blue at the piano.


This post was modified by mcglone on 2007-01-17 22:29:21

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Poster: high flow Date: Jan 17, 2007 2:30pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

Holy Shit Ian. I am sorry to hear that you are such an accomplished actor. You had us fooled too, my friend. However, I am glad to hear you've decided to open your eyes and move yourself forward once-more.

My mother-in-law has traveled a very similar path, but hers has now endured for more than 2 years. She is in complete denial and exsists in a very odd haze.

You, my creative friend, can break-out. Exscersise, eat right, don't drink and stay concious.

I am with you. Check in when you feel the need. But keep moving! No trash bags on the windows. Life man, go out and breathe it!

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Poster: mcglone Date: Jan 17, 2007 2:39pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

i was managing depression with a depresant! nice. it wasn't every day, but the jonzing was. thanks for your support brother. i deserve to be where i'm at. this too shall pass.

ian

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Poster: high flow Date: Jan 17, 2007 2:44pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

Hey man! You better watch yer weight, cause when we meet, I'm takin' yer ass to the hoop! So, get right! Damn it!





















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Poster: mcglone Date: Jan 17, 2007 3:33pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

i never balloned up into oliver miller. not even in the company of a young round mound of rebound. i'll can still clog it up though. tell ya what, i'll spot you H-O-R-S and the we'll see what you got!

; )

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Jan 17, 2007 5:55pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

No , i'm not sorry i asked man, was gonna email you until i saw this post. I really hope you havent' lost your Jess forever - wow, what a really beautifuly woman! i mean that respectfully.

You are not august west, you are getting your shit together man and i respect that - more than i am - my tale has not yet been told here - it sucks.
I havent had a sense of self for that past 14 years - the only part of my life that has saved me so far have been my two girls, and even then i have fucked up. My little booboo with shattering my leg was no booboo - it was a disgrace. i will never forgive myself for that.

I feel so bad Ian for what you are going through. I am on the precipice of the same, but am bullshitting my way into hoping those close to me hold onto my fingers just a few more moments before i slide of the couloir. Part of me wants to go into more detail, but i know i can't here on the forum. I know what i am. And that is not good. I am just lucky to have the support system i really just don't deserve.

I really feel for you my friend, since you put your thouhts up here. Can't say i'm totally dry eyed considering i know how you feel about Jess and me about Diane - and the same could happen to me so very easily considering my problem. My thoughts and vibes are with you my friens - sorry to go on and on on this thread. peace man


This post was modified by direwolf0701 on 2007-01-18 01:55:31

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Poster: Liamfinnegan Date: Jan 17, 2007 9:04pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

Dire- I knew the real you all along- amd I care abot you- anyone who calls himself an ass in "jest" so easily to back up posts you wish you had not written at times was an easy "mark" for someone who was suffering self esteem issues- I know- been there- still go there at times- but you are not alone by far- I said weeks ago that most hard core heads are head cases in one way or another- usually misfits among our brethren- you were asking for help and did not even know it- but I thought long and hard about our now forgotten conflict and have empathy for where you were at the time-

You too have my addy and I would be glad to give you a phone number and chat

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Jan 17, 2007 9:13pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

Thanks Liam for those kind words - yes, i think i do still have your addy ( i think so anyways - not sure - have to check the ol' yahoo address book) - i am ok though right now (hah! who knows!!) - my care and concern at present is for my brother Ian.

I do very much appreciate your thoughts (seriously) - and they are not so far from the truth. And certainly our past issues are just that - WAY in the past!!!! you know that i'm sure. Thank you for this post - i mean that!!!!

And i am very glad you have stuck around with all the crap that has gone around here over the past couple of months - your posts keep us all in check and keep a well grounded base in the forum - nice job my brother!!! i mean that!!!

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Poster: Liamfinnegan Date: Jan 18, 2007 7:24am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

What conflict?

tom_mack@hotmail.com

Glad you are doing well today- all we have is the moment anyway.

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Poster: Liamfinnegan Date: Jan 17, 2007 9:08pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Anyone know how McGlone is doing?

Hey Ian- you know my addy- contact me off line and I will be glad to exhange thoughts with you re: recovery if you so desire- I totally know where you have been- I have recently hit some low notes myself- though not via relapse- just not taking care of my spiritual self- I have now discovered that I made myself a prisoner of my employer fpr 9 years- stockholm syndrome for sure considering I had two solid offers to leave-

Now all I get is abuse no matter how much work I do- I spend most of my life there, and I have been unhappy for a few years- I have to be nuts- the wife was not working- thought I had to stay- NO NO NO- I control my destiny- sounds like you have started to take control of your own

This post was modified by Liamfinnegan on 2007-01-18 05:08:06

This post was modified by Liamfinnegan on 2007-01-18 05:08:30